Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday

What is wrong with the populace of this country?
What would impel a human being to get up in the middle of the night, stand out in the cold and participate in a stampede that would make the Running Of The Bulls pale in comparison?
I can answer both questions with one word.
STUPIDITY
Yes,we are a country of STUPID people. No wonder we are "Headed to Hell in a Handbasket".
I would rather have a root canal than participate in this insanity that corporate America has shoved up our asses in the last decade.
Until someone sues Wal-Mart and their ilk on grounds of stupidity, the insanity will continue.
I hope that the largest corporation in the world at least gave this stupid girl a new wig!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

1-800 BUTTERBALL

I called them today but all operators were unavailable due to the large volume of calls.I did not have a question as I fixed Thanksgiving dinner last night and will enjoy the leftovers today.
If I had gotten through to a live operator, I would first wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and then ask them how many calls they had gotten today by last minute shoppers asking them how to thaw and cook a 27 lb turkey in 2 hours (Is there a crematory within driving distance?).
Here's wishing you a thankful day.



Tuesday, November 25, 2008

the origin of MY species

For as long as I can remember, there has been a portrait hanging on the wall of a house in my family.The portrait now hangs in my house on a wall.
The portrait is of my ancestor,Charles Darwin M.
I was always told that he was named after THE Charles Darwin,the evolutionist.
Today I found out otherwise. Charles Darwin was born in 1809 and Charles Darwin M. was born in 1826.Unless Charles Darwin was a 17 year old prodigy at the time,I have been lied to.
My whole life could have been different, if this evolution crap had not been force fed me from day one under false pretenses.As far as I know,that portrait could have been purchased at an antique shop.
I will follow my childhood aspiration of becoming an Episcopal minister after viewing the following video.
Maybe...maybe not?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Crunge

Where's that confounded bridge?
It's in the Pocomoke Forest!
I spent several years roaming this forest in search of the strange happenings that were said to be going on there.My friend(s) and I cruised that place from the left ventricle to the right ventricle and were never spooked once.
We stopped on the bridge, we peeked in the windows of the Warren mansion,we climbed the Old Furnace and we ventured into all the graveyards.
There is nothing there but deer ticks, chiggers and some fond memories of my youth.
Lately, there has been a renewed interest in the hauntings of the Forest.
That is to be expected, as the dope that they are smoking is ten times more potent.
See for yourself...





Wednesday, November 19, 2008

November(19)

I gotta keep up with the calendar.
19 posts in 19 days.

Welcome to my graveyard(bookmarks).









Women Are Smarter

I'm scared and I've taken a beating in the stock market, so I have made the decision to jerk what is left of my diminishing funds out.
If I had taken the advice several months ago from the only cogent XX chromosome in my life, I would have more $$ to move to a more stable fund.
I am sure that my financial adviser will call me tomorrow after he reads my email and try to talk me out of pulling out.
At this point, I will ask him to transfer me and my account to a female adviser.



Seven Score And Five Years Ago

Government of the Auto Industry, by the Banks, for the Insurance Companies shall perish the PEOPLE from the Earth!





Monday, November 17, 2008

From November '81...half my life ago tomorrow



...my father died,God Rest His soul...then and today

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Vote For The "A" Side

Let me be the first to endorse a candidate for the city council who hasn't even thrown his hat in the ring yet.I have never met this man, nor spoken to him face to face.
Through the blogosphere I have come to "know" him as a person who cares about his city through his actions.Be it his attendance at city council meetings or his involvement in his neighborhood,"Tim Chaney Cares"."That" could be your campaign slogan and the following could be your campaign song.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Veteran's Day

The only veteran in my family was my father.His father and his father's father did not serve.However,the latter, according to his obituary was connected to the CSA as a secret service agent(spy).
My mother's father was over 30 and married when The Great War started and I assume that he was not called for those reasons.
During the Viet Nam era, my brother had a college exemption and my draft number was 365(if I could just be that lucky with Powerball).
My mother said that she would scrub floors to assure that neither of her sons would ever have to go to war.
That would have been a sight- a Phi Beta Kappa scrubbing floors!
Thanks Dad.
I am a fortunate son.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Real Life Movie

At 3:27 a.m. the answer came to me.
The line from a movie that so eluded me yesterday(call it a brain fart or a brain cramp) was solved.
"I can't think of a single thing" or something similar was spoken by Henry Fonda as Norman Thayer at his 80th birthday party in "On Golden Pond".

I searched for the exact words or a youtube clip, but could find neither.

I would have posted that clip if I had found it, but I would have been compelled to include the best clip from movie.

The clip from this movie is really a clip from real life.

Father and daughter really did not like each other in real life.Father was a staunch conservative and daughter was as opposite as opposites can get. It reminds me of the relationship between my own father and my sister.

I always well up when I watch this scene, because I know the reality of it.

I love my daughter.That's a given.

Just as important is that I like her!




Sunday, November 9, 2008

...And I Can't Think Of A Single Thing...

Is there a word in the English language that describes the inability to recall something that is on the tip of your tongue (the tip of your Temporal Lobe would be more accurate)?

I hate it when you can't recall something that you know the answer to. You just can't let it go. It gnaws at you. You just can't give your Temporal Lobe a rest until your tongue spurts it out.

I remember playing Trivial Pursuit in the 1980's with friends and family. My ex-wife and I were one wedge away from winning.The next question was for me and the win. I knew the answer, but my Temporal Lobe and my tongue were not speaking to each other that day.

The clock was ticking as the other team pressured me for an answer. We had never lost a game of Trivial Pursuit and I was damned if a tiff between my brain and mouth would end the streak.

My partner knew the answer. I told her to send it to me telepathically.She did and we remained undefeated.

What is gnawing at me today is a line from a movie, that for the life of me I can not recall. I have searched the internet for the answer to no avail (MOVIEQUOTES.COM, DIALOGUE4DUMBASSES.NET,YOUMUSTBEAREPUBLICAN.GOV.ORG)

..."And I can't think of a single thing"...is the line from the movie(an acceptance speech for someone retiring?) that I can't recall. It will come to me eventually.

The answer to the Trivial Pursuit question can be found in the following video.(3:50 in)

Friday, November 7, 2008

It's Alright If You Know Me, It's Alright If You Don't

Here's a breakdown of a conversation I had a few minutes ago.

Mother: You look young.
Son: No I don't. I look old.I used to look young.
Mother: I don't remember.
Son: You should, you've known me all my life.You know who I am, right?
Mother: You are my son.
Son: Yes. Do you need a diaper?
Mother: Yes. You know I changed many a diaper for you.
Son: Yeah, but I'm catching up to you.
Mother: Maybe, but I still have a couple on you.(Good answer)



Thursday, November 6, 2008

Savoy Brown - Poor Girl (Live)

This is the best that I could find...Not too shabby,eh?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Rookie Wins Starting Job!

I did not vote for our next CEO. I was not impressed with his stats in the minor leagues. In my opinion, he only had a drink of water there.

I voted for the Gaylord Perry of the other league. I was not happy with his choice for reliever, but she could throw a spitball or two herself.

For the sake of all of us, I hope and pray that B.O. is not a bust in the likes of Heath Shuler, Ryan Leaf and Chris Washburn.

I hope and pray that he is another A.I.

WERE NOT TALKIN' 'BOUT PRACTICE! THIS IS THE GAME!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I Voted (twice)

Just kidding, but I could have.
When did the board of elections stop requiring proof of identification?
At the check in table, I fumbled through my wallet for my Voter Notification Card and picture I.D.
The lady behind the computer screen said(rather rudely),"Just gimme your name".
Just gimme your name?
I could have said that I was the guy with the Obama sign in his yard that lived down the street.
I could have gone back later and voted again, this time as myself.Who would know until the schmuck that lived down the street came to vote, only to be told that he had already voted.
Of course, I would never do this for two reasons:I am not a dishonest person and I know three of the poll workers and they know me.
Last, but not least, this is an historic election for my family.It is the first time since the 1940's that a family member did not cancel out another family member's vote.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Loco Boy Makes Good

It is true. I finally found the website that genealogically confirms it.The next president of the United States is related to me.
My great great great grandparents were there in black and white. You've made the big time Mary and Henry.

Now what do I do with it?

Just because he is my cousin don't mean squat.I had a cousin Ricky that would visit every Christmas and destroy all of our toys. He loved to take them apart, but he never knew how to put them back together again.We finally learned to hide them from him.

I will not vote for my cousin because I only have a few toys left and no where to hide them.

Hohner Bright

Musical talent does not run in my family. My maternal Grandfather could play the piano. I started guitar lessons when I was 12, but after the first lesson(when the instructor praised me for storing the pick between the strings. Duh?- I wasn't gonna drop it in the hole) the instructor died.I messed around with the instrument for several years. I never learned the chords, but I did enjoy pickin' lead to a few early 1970's albums(Savoy Brown and Neil Young in particular).The only instrument that my older brother ever attempted was a harmonica. He grew up in the 1960's and a harmonica was always part of the band. He wasn't that bad, either. Not one of us made it in the music business, but we do know a good song when we hear it.



Sunday, November 2, 2008

For Those About To Vote...I Salute You

Progress is good, but it is not always better. I never had a problem with those old lever voting machines.You enter the booth, pull the lever and the curtain closes.Put an X next to the candidate(s) of your choice and pull the lever.The curtain will open and your vote will be tabulated.
And it can't be hacked.



27 years ago, the #1 album on Billboard was by the same band that occupies that position today.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Little Walter

* * * * *

Pollsters, Meteorologists and Brain Surgeons

What's the difference between them?
The first two can be right 90% of the time and still keep their jobs!

There was a poll on AOL that asked the following two questions:
1) Who do you think will win the election?
Obama-58%
McCain-42%
2) Who do you want to win the election?
McCain-52%
Obama- 48%

On Tuesday, I will vote for the 9th time in a Presidential election. I have been wrong more times than I have been right. I feel that the trend will continue. I will do as I always do every four years: I will vote for another loser.

I can only dream about the following headline: