Friday, November 30, 2007


I did it. 2 posts average per day for the month of November! December will be more of the same or less of something different. Who knows? I know 1 thing...I have more nicknames than the sky has stars...If Blogspot wants to change the game...I say...bring it on!!!

(Therefore,Tomorrow Is Only Yesterday's)Today In History: December 1

1945, 1 Dec.
Bette Midler is born in Honolulu, Hawaii.
1954, 1 Dec.
My mother, 3 weeks shy of her delivery date, is ordered to "bed rest" by her doctor to insure the health of mother and child.She is tended to by a Mennonite girl named "Ne Ne".
1955, 1 Dec.
Rosa Parks, a black Montgomery,Alabama seamstress, refuses to give up her bus seat to a white man, sparking one of the critical events in the U.S. civil rights fight.
1982, 1 Dec.
Michael Jackson releases Thriller, to date his most popular album.
1983, 1 Dec.
I am in seat 3, row J, section 118 at the Wicomico Civic Center at 8PM. Cost: 10 bucks

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Today Is Only Yesterday's Tomorrow

The Bridge Vid ?

I got another idea from the T-man. He posted a couple of vids by R.E.M. I really like this band, however, I have none of their music in my stock. I guess I don't need to go out and purchase any of their wares at this point in time since YouTube is just a click away. I remember this video from the mid 90's. I always liked it. I am not sure if the theme is Suicide, the Rapture or something else.If it is something else, then I have not a clue. If it is about the first two, then count me out.I have no problem with suicide. It is a personal choice.However, I chose to take this life that I was given to the very last breath. If the Rapture is involved, then I will be curious to see who does and doesn't show up for work the next day. In my chosen profession, I would almost guarantee 100% attendance.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

GOODGOOGLYMOOGLY...i need a shot in the arm:


the gong show:me,you and my ex-wife-not necessarily in that order

"Just the facts, ma'am."

I think that I will pre-write my own obituary. Now, I am not anywhere close to death(that I am aware of). I do go tomorrow for my semi-annual physical exam.Tomorrow is the complete physical exam.Any guy around the age of 50 knows what this entails.I dread it.I don't know how "They" enjoy it, but to remain P.C. I should include the following disclaimer: Not that "There's" anything wrong with it. My blood pressure is good(avg.=122/76) for a man over 50 who smokes,drinks and works in retail.I have had episodes of "Ocular Migraines" and will ask him about them.Back to the "meat" of this post.

Part of my daily routine on the "Weird Wild Webb" is to peruse the local obituaries. Unfortunately, at my age, I recognize more names than I care to. Most of the obits are the parents of friends and schoolmates. These dearly departed are mostly octogenarians and I say "Good at Ya".You have lived a long life. But does your OBIT need to be so long and verbose.Some of the Obits that I read have way too much information included. This is why I think that I will pre-write my own obituary.Actually,I will pre- edit my own obituary right here and now.(Bookmark and save this post family members).

The local paper and it's subscribers need only the following information:
My name
Date of death
Age at death
Parents names
Siblings names
Survivors names
Date of services

It is not necessary to state that I worked for the XYZ company for (blank) amount of years. It is of no importance that I was the captain of the Tiddlywinks team in grammar school.Who the fuck cares that I enjoyed collecting stamps for 6 months just to appease my Grandfather. And the name of one of my pets better not appear in my obit or I will come back and haunt you.

This last request has already been dealt with, if my child remembers. If, my demise is the result of a traffic fatality,which the odds are better than a heart attack or stroke since I travel "Dump Truck Drive" every day(Connelly Mill Road). I DO NOT WANT A ROADSIDE MEMORIAL! I was never "tacky" or "tawdry" while alive, please don't make me so in death.

As Joe Friday(Jack Webb) of "Dragnet" used to say "Just the facts, ma'am." That's all I want. Just the facts!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


I really like Simon and Garfunkel. I think this is my favorite by them. This song reminds me of Little League Baseball, pretzels with mustard and frozen Snickers candy bars. And most important, it reminds me of the innocence of my youth. Without "googling" the song, I would have to pick the year as 1966. I may be off by a season or two, but I enjoy this song as much now as I did then.

Sean Taylor (1983-2007)

A bright candle is snuffed out. This guy was awesome as a football player for the Washington Redskins. He had his troubles in the past, but since the birth of his first child he had become a different man( I know all about that). The following words are from an interview and are Mr. Taylor's. I don't care if you are a Pro Bowl safety in the NFL, making millions or a ditch digger making squat. The following words are words to live by.

"I just take this job very seriously. It's almost like, you play a kid's game for a king's ransom. And if you don't take it serious enough, eventually one day you are going to say,'Oh, I could have done this, I could have done that'. "So I just say, ' I'm healthy right now, I'm going into my fourth year, and why not do the best that I can?' And that's whatever it is , whether it's eating right or training myself right, whether it's studying harder, what ever I can do to better myself".

Words of wisdom from such a young man. I heard similar words of wisdom from a wise lady many years ago, when I had to pull myself up by my bootstraps. In a sense, I had taken a job as a ditch digger and was not happy with the idea. She, in her wisdom, replied: "Don't you want to be the best ditch digger in the whole company?". My initial answer was "No!". But, I was never a quitter and she knew that. I did become the best ditch digger and remain so to this day.

Monday, November 26, 2007

bluesky/my cross to bear..but i have promises to keep and miles to go before i sleep

my brother is dying. he wants the song "blue sky" played as his ashes are scattered over a pond in delaware. i don't even know where this particular pond is.but i will find it and i will bear this cross that has been placed upon my back, as i have done in the past with my sister. if i make a promise, i keep it!

Music is what feelings sound like.(author known)

I Guess I Almost Have To Continue With This Video, Don't Ya Think?

Post # 499 (Life is an Amazing Gift!)

Life is an amazing gift! It is the ultimate Christmas gift, wrapped in pretty paper with a bow on top and a card attached with your name on it. You hurriedly unwrap it with anticipation, not knowing what is inside. Life is an amazing gift! You never know what is around the next corner or bend in the road. I have always had an imaginative mind. So much, that I even think that the most minuscule variance in my life could have changed where I am today. 27 years ago on this very day,I may have stopped at the corner store for gas, even though my car had over a 1/4 tank and did not need a fill up for several days. Who is to say that if I had not stopped for that unneeded gas, I would have been in the middle of the intersection and T-Boned by a Dump truck when it's brakes failed.Life is an amazing gift! I have been affiliated with the same LLC for almost 1/2 of my life. I never would have applied in the first place if a friend of mine had not gotten a trial subscription to the local paper and read the ad.Life is an amazing gift! I would never have experienced the greatest joy of my life if I and another buddy had been responsible "late twenties" somebodies and been at home instead of out drinking and driving and roaming the dorms at SSC.Life is an amazing gift! If one day, about 2 years ago, I had not stumbled upon the blog: Justice For All(?), I would not be typing this post(my 1 shy of 500 th post). This blog, in regards to viewership is a complete failure (as some could grade my life as). However, I regard it as my saving grace. Like I said on Day One, I am doing this for me.Possibly the only totally selfish thing that I have done in my entire life. It's a Wonderful Life!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

A Baker's Dozen

An Old Song (for an old man)

This song rattled around in my noggin' on the drive home today. I picked this version because it is a lot like me: Old;Vision a tad blurry and it takes awhile to get going. But, there ain't nothin' wrong with my hearing. So turn it up and enjoy!

Cut to the Chase

For some reason I awoke last night during the 2nd quarter of the game of the week. I stayed up and watched the rest of the game.To hear the hype it just as well could have been billed as the game of the last century and a half (aka the Civil War part2). There were speeches in locker rooms about raiders and abolitionists and massacres that were intended to inspire hatred for the opposing team.I was pulling for the visiting team and they did win, even though it went down to the wire. So what have we got? What should the headline read? #4 upsets #2! Mizzou to KU: FU! Quantrill('s Raiders) 36 - (Osawatomie) John Brown 28. It was a great game. I am glad I awoke and watched it. The real question is: who will the BCS ordain as #1? Will it be Missouri or West Virginia? I'd put my money on Missouri. This season is the ultimate reason why College Football needs a playoff system.The "business sponsored" Bowl games remain and even more money is generated due to fan and non fan interest. Just my opinion. In conclusion, I hope my great-grandfather is not "rolling over in his grave" because I was rooting for #4, Mizzou or Quantrill('s). After all, he was one of six men who opened up the town of Osawatomie, KS.

Is YouTube down ?

Or has my ability to access it been compromised? I was at another blog and got a message from my internet provider denying said blog from asking me to download software. From that point on I have not been able to access YouTube on my blog or any other that posts YouTube vids. What's up with that? If I can't access YouTube then "I guess I'll have to find a cave and hermitize myself" (Ernest T. Bass).

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Post 1.7 in 11

Words to Live By (in with the comet,out with the comet).

What a Nightmare!

I will wake up tomorrow morning with this song in my head.

Watching the Reels

I have a shoe box full of 8mm films that were taken by my father in the late 40's and early 50's. The majority of these films center around my older brother, the Holidays and my older brother. Very little content contains yours truly. I assume the novelty of the Brownie camera, as well as a third child had worn off. No problemo. I need some help from my vast conglomerate of readers. Anyone with technical wisdom, please chime in. I would love to transfer these 8mm movies to a format that would allow me to view them and post them on my blog. I assume that this is possible, yet expensive. It would be well worth the dinero. Does zomeone know the answer?

Today in History: November 24,1928

At a soiree hosted by orchestra leader Paul Whiteman, Joan Crawford broke a heel on her clear lucite peeper shoe (is that even possible) , spilling a martini on musician Bix Beiderbecke. Bix was never the same after this incident, however Joan went on to fame and fortune. At the time, rumor was that it was intentional, but no substantiating evidence ever came to light. In 1954, Cornelius B. Rinky purchased Ms. Crawford's 1928 Packard at auction. During restoration, he found a small hacksaw wedged behind the back seat. Carved in the handle were the numerals 666. Eighteen days later, while driving his newly restored Packard, Mr. Rinky failed to negotiate a bend in the road and the car plunged into a creek killing the operator. Hmmm!?

Friday, November 23, 2007

We learned more from a three minute record than we ever learned in school...

Good Lovin'

I was correct in my assumption that the Young Rascals recorded for Atlantic Records (red label). I was thinking red or yellow.Yellow was Atco Records, a subsidiary of Atlantic.Even Capitol records had more than one colored label.All of my Beatles' 45's were orange and yellow. I have two versions below. Which is real and which is memorex?

Can you help me place this call?

Recently, I found a "kindred blog". Kindred in the sense that we both have similar tastes in music and political philosophies. Kind of makes sense, since we both grew up in S(m)alisbury . If you like the music on my blog, then you will like the music on his. Just click on his name when he comments and go to his blog. His name starts with a T, it shouldn't be hard to find as my commenters are few and far between.T got me reminiscing today with the song "Operator" by Jim Croce from 1973. Here are my memories from November 23,1973 (give or take a few days).

A girlfriend of a friend made advances towards me on more than one occasion. When he was not looking she would even kiss me. It all came to a "head" one night when the 3 of us and her best friend(my date) spent the night in a cottage on the river. The boyfriend stormed out of the bedroom and quickly left. She had informed him that she wanted to be with me and not him.After he left she informed me of the same. I remember this song and the next day when I pondered and paced with her phone number in my hand.I was very shy and had no self-confidence as a child. This continued even at the age of 19. I made the call and 2 and a half years later we were married.That marriage lasted less than a year because she cheated on me with that same original boyfriend and at least one other. Oh well, what goes around comes around. I hold no grudges. Life is one big learning experience. And am I shy now? Hell no! I think people wish that I would be more reserved and less outspoken. To them, get over it-it's my life and I'll do what I want! That last line reminds me of another tune or two.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Today is the day to give thanks to family. There is nothing more important or relevant in a man's short trek on this earth than the aforementioned.It is also the day to gather with same to celebrate the only love known to man that is unconditional. I wish everyone a day of thankful giving.

Now, the niceness ends. Did you expect any less?

1621: T-day #1 was hosted by the visiting team to thank the home team for not running up the score the previous season.It lasted 3 days(kind of like a shortened version of Super Bowl Week. If the NFL season plays out like the 1st 12 weeks have, I liken the scenario to the massacre of the Patriots by the Cowboys or Packers at the pre- game dinner with semi-automatic weapons and possibly a dirty bomb.

1863: With the possible end to the Civil War in sight, A. Lincoln declares the last Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day or A Day of Giving Thanks. Maybe it was just the day that he was able to crumble a double dose of Lithium into his wife's hot cider and get a good nights sleep for a change.

1939: FDR,with stuffed pockets courtesy of Montgomery/Roebuck turns back the clock and decides that in order to give retailers an extra week to sell goods for Christmas, T-day will be held on the next to last Thursday in November.

1939-now(aka black friday): This country is one big dung heap of commercialism. I should not complain, as I have been in retail for over 30 years. If I was given a do over, I would avoid retail like the plague. Several retailers started today. I will be the 1st to label it Grey Thursday. I will take the roundabout route to work in the morning to avoid the sub 100 I.Q. bunch flooding the N13 sector at sunrise.

Today: Cheese and Rice! I got an email from my auto dealer of choice, informing me that they are having their own black friday! What's next? Will my realtor of choice shoot me an email invite for a free look see and T-day dinner at an open house in a neighborhood that my credit report says I can afford?

Right now: I gotta start din-din.To:M-I love ya!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

(Part a 2+ b2=c2) ???=DOH!

"To Hell With It" (Part 3)

Part 3: "To Hell With" the "Peoples Republic of Madness". The state of Maryland, just passed the largest tax (think largesse) increase in it's history. Don't be pissed, because they need the money. Why do they need the money? So they can piss away more of the working class' money. Here is my own personal and recent account of getting pissed on. Barney Fife gave me a "bullshit " ticket for not wearing a seat belt. I had 14 days to pay the fine or they would send me a summons to appear in court. I pondered the idea of contesting the charge in court, but 6 days(8 to go) later mailed the $25 to "The Man". 3 days later(5 to go) I got my summons to appear for trial. 3 days later(today, and 2 to go) I got the cancellation of the summons to appear for trial because the fine had been paid-Duh!. What the fuck is up with this? I hope that my mortgage company does not waste ink,paper,envelope and postage to tell me 5 days before my payment is due that they will start foreclosure proceedings on my home and property due to non-payment.But they have more sense than that; because they are a business and business relies on good customers to stay viable. If this country of 50 states wants to stay viable, then we need to elect sensible people to manage it.Yeah right,not in my life time!

Beautiful Girl (darling girl): No son,but the sentiment remains the same!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pass The Torch

I'm old! I'm past my prime! My hair is "salt & pepper"! And, I am one minute closer to death! I wanted to pay tribute to a group that wrote and recorded some great songs in the 1960's. The Beach Boys and in particular the song "Sloop John B.". I "Youtubed" this song and came up with this version- An old dude may have written it, but these young dudes "Do it justice"!


Serving platter - $10
Piece of wood -$3.75
Lump of old coal - $100

$49,700 - $59,700 increase on your investment

Master Card commercial

The Master

Saturday, November 17, 2007

I Take My Chances (because) I Feel Lucky

I have in my hand the winning Powerball ticket for tonight's drawing. The following numbers were computer generated, but I could not have picked 6 better #'s if they had come to me in a dream. Here are the numbers:

1) the month of my birth.
2) the day of my birth.
3) the age of my kid.
4) the 11th prime #+ the 3rd prime #( which added together = the 4th prime #, it's 7 if you are a 1st time visitor-Duh!
5)the # of contiguous states (I like that word).
6) 24.Twenty-four.The T.V. show that I have never watched. I only watch Antiques Roadshow and reruns of The Andy Griffith Show.

Wish Me Luck.

DAD (1914-1981)

(I just hope I can find the words to do him justice.)

My father passed away 26 years ago tomorrow. I was 26 years old at the time. I still think of him on occasion. I wish that I could talk to him at times. Even at 52 years of age, a man needs advice and comfort from an elder. My older brother is now (and probably always was) the elder that I console in. I never gave my father the chance. He was 40 when I was born and was never at home. He was trying to keep afloat a business that had been his lifelong dream. I know that he loved me and was proud of my accomplishments. After he retired, he would stop by my house every now and then. I guess he was lonely or maybe he wanted to make up for lost time. I never gave him that time for one reason or the other. I assume it was my immaturity in my early 20's. If only I could turn back the hands of time. There are so many questions that I would love to ask him and so many topics that I would like to discuss with him, now that I am mature. He would be so proud of my daughter and his other two grandchildren, neither of whom were born in 1981. If there is more than sky above us, then maybe he is proud of all of us. Sometimes I think that there is such a thing as divine intervention. If there is, then I have more than one Angel up there. This I believe.

If you read my father's biography, some would consider him a failure due to the loss of his business. This man was head and shoulders above in terms of accomplishments than I will ever be. He was a college graduate, he was married to the love of his life for almost 40 years and he fulfilled his lifelong dream. He was a better man than I will ever be!

I miss you!

Friday, November 16, 2007

oUr HoUsE

113-982-1900 (google this #)

I got a call from "David William/William David" from "Florida, Miami" at 3:29 pm today ( 2007, 16 November). He said he was with "Bureau Debt National" and said that he was calling to "Debt Card Credit My Help". Bull shit! Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining! I'm a decade shy of retirement and have been through a few hurricanes ( I was alive during Hazel). First of all, don't let me hear you speaking farsi or whatever arabic dialect that I heard between my 1st and 3rd "HELLO?" and then come on the phone and give me a Christian name. I hung up real quickly and googled this phone number. The result did not surprise me. I hope David or William or John or James calls me back. Because I am gonna Fuck with You! I love fuckin' with telemarketers! To me, telemarketers are a welcome annoyance. I love to let you piss on my leg until your bladder is empty and then I give my "pat" response: "EAT SHIT AND BARK AT THE MOON, YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD!" (credit: Jerry R.).

Teach Your Parents Well

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Note To Self & Y.

Contact the C.ommittee to R.E.-E.lect the P.resident. Re: dinner?

A Day in the Life

Got up a little later today because I also went to bed today (12:30 am-very unusual). More unusual was my morning ritual consisting of coffee with cream/sugar and ESPN. I had my coffee but it was black(yuk), because I had to "fast" for 12 hrs. for my semi-annual chem 8/lipids blood sample.The news on ESPN was quite unusual (yet amusing) also. O.J. ain't worried, because he prefers dealing with juries (duh!). I can't believe he said that. And most people can't believe that Phil Jackson said what he said. I thought it was a good answer to the reporter's question, but then again, I am not most people. He could have referenced the movie "Deep Throat" instead of "Brokeback Mountain" and only Linda Lovelace would have been offended, which would make the whole thing a non story.This entire PC thing is getting completely out of hand. What segment of society will squawk next? My money is on single amputees if and when Burger King revives it's 1970's jingle: "It takes two hands to handle a Whopper". A-Rod is talking to who? The Yankees? I don't know who the biggest A-Hole in this soap opera is. Is it the player, the team, the agent or all of the above? Me thinks "D" is the correct answer. Was my morning ritual just a dream? I think it was because ESPN also told me that the Boston Celtics are 7-0, their best start in 35 years.
Back to reality. I went to my dentist appointment and they talked me out of getting those "crappy" veneers that I alluded to in an earlier post.They explained that they are professionals and do not "do" tacky. I felt like such a jerk for even mentioning the idea to them and I sunk a bit deeper into the dental chair that is a dead ringer for the Red Lips Logo of the Rolling Stones.I'm just kidding,of course. I really enjoy going to this dentist office. My hygienist is a real cutie and we always joke around. She asked me what flavor fluoride gel I preferred,strawberry or mint. I replied, "What, no eggnog?". She said they had 2 flavors of the month: Pina colada or chocolate. I said I wanted pina colada, because chocolate might give me a cavity.Her reply was:" We do what we can to stay in business". Good answer. Next, I went to see Countess Dracula to lose a few ounces of blood. Usually, I go 15 minutes before this business opens and end up waiting for over an hour to lose a tube of blood. This is because I am usually #7 or #8, as the geriatric crowd is camped out on the pavement in lawn chairs waiting for the doors to open.Never again! I will go when the old folks are home taking their mid-morning nap the next time I need to get spiked.Finally, I needed to go shopping for some dry goods,so I went to the closest store available. No wonder this company was in bankruptcy several years ago. I see no better financial future for the "big red letter" if all their stores are as bad as this one. I've seen better organized yard sales.
I'm home now and doing what I enjoy the most- escaping from reality. See ya......!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Coming Soon: Exile On Main Street

Until then, let's hear the "greatest and longest" song ever in my lifetime!

Natural (or Seven Out).

Several months ago, I broke off 1/4 of a back tooth. My dentist took a look and his office personnel gave me the bad news ( after it was run through their computer). The print out said that after my insurance paid their part, I would need to peel off 7 crisp C-notes and my tooth would be whole again. Tomorrow, I have my regular dental cleaning appointment and I know that they will ask me when I want to schedule the appointment to fix this tooth. I have a better idea of how to spend $700 in this "Chomp Shop". I want 2 Veneers (my 2 top front teeth)! It is the latest rage, I hear. I don't want the traditional porcelain veneers that cost between $900- $2500 per tooth and last 10-15 years. I want the more economical($250 per tooth) and less lasting(5-7 years) composite veneers. In 5-7 years, I might want to change the "look". The "look" that I want now is 2 die. The first veneer(my left front) will be 5 dots and my right front(second veneer) will be 2 dots. Lucky 7. In craps, it is called Natural or Seven Out. Whadda ya think? Gold teeth are so passe!

Monday, November 12, 2007

E = mc2

The Blog Readability Test:

What level of education is required to understand your blog?

I came home from work today as usual (seat belt buckled, as always since 1984). I was an hour late, as I had to attend an impromptu "Department Head" meeting that should have lasted 15 minutes. But it took 4 times that long because 1) The "HNIC" does not know how to be in charge and 2) One "Head" is a (YAP,YAP,YAP) talking head. Boy, if I was the "Head Nut In Charge" there would be some changes made!

When I finally settled down in front of my monitor and went through my daily routine of checking e-mail, news and my stock portfolio (can't retire yet), I visited my menu of 5 blogs. #2 (soup) had a post(with a link) about a website that rated the readability of a blog. He didn't release the results of his blog, but I typed in his URL and found it. I decided to give all 5 the test to see if this site was for real. I tested each one several times to make sure the answer did not change each time. They did not. I also tested several(3) blogs that( are still bookmarked) I only visit occasionally. The ratings were as follows:

Elementary School: 2
Junior High School: 2
High School: 1
College/Under Grad: 1
College/ Post Grad: 1
Genius: 1

I don't know how they rate these blogs as quickly as they do, but I have to agree with the ratings that were given to the 8 that I read, except for 1. It is not the 1 "Genius" rating given to my "Entree", but to the "Elementary School" rating given to my "Irish Coffee". This guy is a "Genius" - just read his comments, let alone his blog.

I left one out. I actually read 9 blogs. The last blog I go to is written by yours truly. However I was afraid to "test" my blog on this website. My fingers trembled as I typed in my URL. I figured my rating would be something like: "G.E.D. from the School of the Criminally Insane". I was surprised(or maybe not) by my rating. I heard somewhere that there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't consider myself either. My blog is basically an "inside joke". That is why it gets almost zero comments. But that is fine with me. It is "my savior" from the turmoil and tumult that is my life. But it is a quiet riot:

Saturday, November 10, 2007


then one day you find 10 years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun".

Friday, November 9, 2007

Where Did It All Begin?

If music is what feelings sound like, as my byline states, then I need to elaborate.Actually, I don't need to elaborate, but I will (because I want to). My Father's business gave his kid's numerous "promotional" 45 rpm records. Most were in the "Country Music" genre. I was maybe 8 years old when this record arrived at our house. I could not hear enough of it. I played it over and over again. I have not been the same since. Here is that song that began it all.Plus others...



Buy American !

Buy American goods. It helps the economy and American companies are not trying to kill us, just cheat us. I'll tackle that "cheat us " statement first. I have a problem with some of the products that I use on a daily basis. The shampoo that I have used for decades (because it is cheap) decided to redesign their container. They "rounded" the bottom of the bottle, so if you(with eyelids closed) don't replace it on the side of the tub exactly right it will tumble and waste shampoo. One other thing about shampoo, I have never followed the instructions on the bottle: Rinse and Repeat.Duh, if I did I would double my yearly shampoo expense-once is enough. The maker of my contact lens solution continues to increase the diameter of the opening of their container. I waste more than I use. I understand their desire to increase sales and I will continue to purchase their products. That is, unless they outsource their factories to that "OTHER" country that in my opinion is trying to kill us. I prefer my anti-freeze in my radiator and when I was younger and carousing the bar scene trying to score (in reality I was looking for my soul mate) I had never heard of 1,4 butylene glycol, gamma hydroxy,
or "roofies". Back in my day, we tried the old fashioned way: Buy the object of your desire as many drinks as she desired. More times than not, I had drinks bought for me- Oh, the good old days. So, in summation, please buy American and you may live to see tomorrow. I have not included the name of that "OTHER "country, because I don't need no problems. However, I will continue to buy my vehicles from that other Pacific Rim country as I have done for over 30 years, because they have never "left me on the side of the road". Not ever!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

I'm A Happy Idiot

If It All Ended Today?(and it may)

I would be remiss in not including this song-

I Am the Caretaker

This is my "lot" in life and I accept it. Now, I understand why I started this blog.Now, I understand the meaning of this song.It may not be your meaning or understanding, but it all came clear to me today, as the tears washed away the cloudiness that kept me from seeing the light.Now, I understand.

It's Not The Money, It's The Principle

The Maryland State Police, at 1400 hours today have labeled me a "Criminal". I have in my hand a traffic citation that "charges me with committing a crime". Not much of a crime (it's a seat belt violation). Anybody that knows me (2 people come to mind), know that I never drive without putting on my seat belt first. This is a learned response from over 20 years ago,when I worked in O.C. and traveled Rte.90 daily.I have 3 options: I can pay the $25 within 15 days, I can plead "Guilty With An Explanation", or I can go to Trial. I would like a 4th option- "Innocent With An Explanation"(The powers that be don't offer this one). There are 2 sides to every story, and in this case there may be 4. My side-part 1: I am guilty of unhooking my seat belt for several seconds:enough time to remove my wallet from my back pocket, as I was headed to the bank to deposit my paycheck.But, if this occurred where the ticket states it did(at a 4-way stop),then I was not moving at the time.I recall my wallet on the passenger seat way before the 4-way stop(in fact in another state). There had to be 2 cops, as I passed one(coming in the other direction) a quarter mile from the 4-way stop.He must have been driving the "BatMobile" because he was on my ass in less than 10 seconds.He was not very cordial either,but when was cordial a requirement of police work:cordial people do not apply.He claimed that I put my seat belt on only when I saw him.So I drive around unbelted and only belt myself when I see a cop.I don't fucking think so!.My side-part 2: This is what I think He saw.He saw what he thought was me putting on my seatbelt because I saw him.In actuality,I was pulling a cigarette out of the left inside pocket of my jacket with my right hand,which(that motion) to him looked to be me quickly buckling my seat belt. He saw what he thought he saw and made his stop(It was an honest stop,because he saw what he thought he saw). I never drive unbuckled( and I don't lie). I could just pay the ticket and it would all be done with.It's only $25 and I would never miss that minuscule amount, but I think I will go to trial.I will not win, but I don't care. It's the PRINCIPLE (something greatly lacking in our society today), not the MONEY!

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Daylight Saving Time Is Not Necessary.

After many years of "spotty" practice around the world and in this country, DST was enacted in to law in 1966 by Congress and LBJ. In 2007 , Congress and Bush (The Sequel) tweaked it by extending the ending until the first Sunday in November. All done in the name of saving energy. BULLSHIT! It was done in the name of business, as everything in this country comes down to. It is warm in the summer months, so people want to be out and about.And when people are out and about they tend to spend money. In the winter it is cold and people want to be inside their homes. So, it is light out in the summer until 9 PM. In winter it goes dark at 5 PM ( I think they got it backwards. I would prefer the 8 PM/6 PM scenario myself if we must endure this absurdity called DST. My real preference would be the return to Standard Time all year long. Well, that ain't gonna happen until I'm King. Until then, we have to deal with reminders like "Fall Back" and "Spring Forward", or is it "Spring Back"(not to be confused with Spring Break) and "Fall Forward"(which is something most of those bacchic revelers do well before 2 AM). I would like to end my discussion of the relevance of Daylight Saving Time with two stories.

Moe set his clock back 1 hour and was on time for work.
Larry forgot to set his clock back 1 hour and was 1 hour early for work.He was reprimanded for getting 1 hour of overtime.
Shemp set his clock ahead 1 hour and went to work. He was not reprimanded for his tardiness, as he was not even scheduled that day.
Curly set his clock back to 1 PM and was never heard from again.

A man, born just after 12:00 AM DST, circumvented the Vietnam War by using a daylight saving time loophole. When drafted, he argued that standard time, not DST was the official time for recording births in his state of Delaware in the year or his birth. Thus, under official standard time he was actually born on the previous day and that day had a much higher draft lottery number, allowing him to avoid the draft.

I made up the first story to make a point. Concerning story #2 : I found it on the internet, so take it with a grain of salt. If it is true, I applaud the man and I assume today he is a senior partner in a very prosperous law firm.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Fall Haiku

tripped over damn cat.
head over heels I tumbled
down the flight of stairs.

Things That Make You Go...W T F ?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Unconscious Mutterings (Customized)

I get bored really quickly. No wonder I have been married and divorced numerous times. I like this word association website (Unconscious Mutterings). I like to tweak things though, so I went to this website today on a mission. The mission was to spell out A-F-T-E-R-T-H-E-G-O-L-D-R-U-S-H ,north to south, using the first letter of their "association" word. I started with week #1 and found A,F,R,G,O,L and D. I then went to the latest(#247) and found T,E,and 31(thirty-one). I split the difference and went to # 122 and found E,R and H. I needed one more Aitch, so I threw a dart at the board and hit #47. Here are the results ( and a vid or two that came to mind):

Angel: Gregg Allman
Foolish: Me and my blog
Trot: Diarrhea
Evolution: My religion
Ready: Set,Go!
Thirty-One(31): My age when my daughter was "born"
Hatchet: Lizzie Borden
Edge: U2
Greed: America
Ocean: Shaman
Legitimate: Legal
Digital: Cable
Rise and Fall: (of) The Third Reich
Unlikely: That I will hit more than 1# in Powerball
String: Cheese
Hypnotic: Bullshit (a hypnotist is a "bullshit artist" in my opinion)

Believe it or Not

Update: Tomorrow (now today)

I went to the "Big Box Home Improvement" center to mouse-proof my home. I went straight to the "customer(no) service" desk as I had planned. The geriatric lady behind the desk was trying to make a refund on a return to an even older geriatric customer. I am not sure,but I believe the elderly gentleman was trying to present an Arby's coupon,thinking it was his receipt.Grandma Moses behind the desk was equally confused. I'm thinking: Here we go, I'll be at this customer service desk for at least 10 minutes.10 minutes for one item is now my new rule when I go shopping.Anyone know where I can buy a stopwatch in less than 10 minutes? I now am down to 8 minutes. I see a guy with a red vest on.I am thinking either he works here or he is in a barbershop quartet shopping for a vaporizer to keep his vocal chords in tip-top shape. I was in luck. He directed me to aisle 57.I was on aisle 7 and down to 7 minutes, so I started sprinting, figuring it would take me 3 or 4 minutes to find the exact width and length of the item I was looking for(as this store definitely has a vast quantity of like items to choose from). I got lucky again, the first item I spied was exactly what I was looking for.4 minutes to exit, but I still had to go thru the checkout.Man, THIS was my lucky day. At the end of aisle 57 sat the Siberia of checkouts. Evidently it was seldom used; even the cashier was sitting down.I handed her my one item to be scanned(the purchase price was $4.77) . In the other hand were 5 one dollar bills, ready to complete the transaction.I never was a mathematically gifted individual when it came to calculating taxes and tips (even though I scored higher on that portion of the SAT's). Now I'm under 2 minutes and she throws me two curve balls.
SHE: "Do you have a penny?"
ME: "I have two of them, which one do you want?"
SHE: "The shiny one"
Then she threw the other curve ball at :59 seconds
SHE: "Can I have your phone number?"
ME: "NO!"
SHE: "I don't blame you, I hate being bothered at home too".
I was out the door with seconds to spare...YOU GOTTA LOVE IT!!!